the portal

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blown apart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He would often have to break into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16. A calendar’s days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. A short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done

Mrs Sweeney

(image: http://www.nowgasm.com/laughing-buddha-maitreya-cybele-la.jpg 17/4/08)

Do you love unusual, tongue-twisting, ugly or beautiful words?

How about:

gobbet – piece, lump – especially of raw flesh or food ( plenty of those in the Lord of the Rings movies!)

lunisolar – of the sun and the moon

lumpenproletariat – ignorantly contented lower orders of society (a great way to insult people without them realising it!)

and last of all, one of my favourites,

mellifluous – sweet as honey – applied to voices or words. (Try using this one on your girlfriend.)

???

Tell us some of your favourites.

The kids at insideadog have come up with some mind-boggling ones!

Mrs Sweeney

 Who said this?

Reports of my death have been greatly exagerated.

 Do you know who wanted this on his headstone?

I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL!

Mrs Sweeney

Some song lyrics are considered great writing, either for the poetry, their power or their ryhthm. Bob Dylan is one example of a songwriter who is also a poet and a consummate storyteller. Read the lyrics to John Brown , the story of a boy badly injured in the American Civil War, now returning home to his mother.

In Australia, many refer to Paul Kelly as a people’s poet, and ‘his lyrics are on the Victorian education syllabus, studied by year 12 students as raw text or in song format…[Paul] “feels a bit sorry” for the kids who have to study his words.

It’s a tough gig he says, but one he finds stimulating. Many of Kelly’s lyrics are an amalgam of source material, from “other lyrics, or from another song, a line of poetry, lines from the Bible, Shakespeare. So if you get asked a question about the lyrics you can connect them up, so that you end up not talking about your own stuff all the time but the other stuff that connects it as a whole”.’ (from an interview in the Review section of The Weekend Australian 23-24 June, p.4-5).

To read some of Paul Kelly’s lyrics go to his website.

???
Are there any lyrics you think of as worthy writing ie.can they make an impact without the music? Tell us about them.

Mrs Sweeney

If Portal was an acronym, what would it stand for? Perhaps

People Online Relishing Talk About Literature

Can you come up with a good one? A prize for the best …